In Uncertainty, WONDER instead of WORRY
You know that phase of transition where you WONDER what it's going to be like, instead of WORRY what it's going to be like? I think the line between the two Ws is not a very strong one. It's a line in the sand that's easily crossed over, erased, re-drawn, and ignored.
As we prepare to make a big move, I've struggled to stay on the WONDER side of things as I wonder where we're going to live. Physically going to live. I know the city, but I've yet to secure an actual structure in which to house my family. For the last 6.5 months - from the moment we made the decision to move until today - I've wondered where we're going to live. How far will it be from the beach? Our friends? The church we choose? Whole Foods and Trader Joe's? It wasn't until Sunday - and, granted, I am now 36 weeks pregnant - that I moved from WONDER to WORRY. My heart went from hopeful and trusting in God's providence, to Ohmygoshwedon'thaveaplacetoliveyetwhatarewethinking? and This is crazy; we're never going to find a place to live. and I'm about to bring a baby into this world homeless, great. Mom of the Year.
In my heart, I know everything will work out. It always does. Four years ago, I started packing up my apartment and gave my one-month notice to my job, based on faith that God was about to move us up and out of where we were, even though we had no leads. I got my counseling job on the very last day of my previous job. I didn't get into my "dream" college, but then I wouldn't have met/married Greg, and he's my best friend. We needed a certain amount of money two summers ago to go on our Adventure-of-a-Lifetime trip, and we got above and beyond. You know why? Because that's what God promises.
Ephesians 3:20 - Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to the power that works in us.
And what has all that worrying done for me? Absolutely nothing. Do I have a place to live yet? No. But am I actively working to make sure I have a place come Moving Day? Oh, yes. Worrying distracts me, fuzzies up my brain so that I can't think straight. And if my brain is fuzzy, I'm less likely to make the best decision for myself and for my family.
Wondering on the other hand, relishes in the unknown. Wondering focuses on the adventure of it all. The excitement of finding new restaurants, meeting new people, and living somewhere I've always wanted to live. Wondering gives this next phase of life a splash of happy summer colors, instead of darkening it with a morose gray. Wondering passes down to my daughter the perspective that peace and joy are attainable even amidst uncertainty and frustration.
I certainly teeter between the two, but if I can stay on the WONDER side of things more often than not, my days will be brighter, my sleep will be deeper, my husband will be happier (happy wife, happy life ;) ), and I'll be living out what I believe, which is that God is in control. He's not worried about where I'll be living because He never leaves nor forsakes His children. And I'll be able to look back on this time with a smile instead of a "I really wish I would've chilled out."
Life gets messy. Life gets complicated. But there are opportunities every day to see the bright, shining silver lining. If only we'd wonder for it instead of worry that it's gone.